You guys should check out the new Government site www.ready.gov . It's pretty hilarious. It tells you how to be prepared for a terrorist attack. The funny thing about it is that there are a ton of pictures that show you exactly what to do and what not to do. I guess that's for people who can't read. But judging by the way some of the pictures look, they could mean a variety different things. I thought this was funny. Here are a few interpretations that I found.
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin
Diesel, yell really loud.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool
design for a new tattoo.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at
least one(1) armless hand.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead,
dead eyes, run away fast.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in
common. Think about it.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend
to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your intestinal
region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may have gas.
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have
mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close
the window. No one wants to see that.
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower
in the corner or run like the dickens..
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until
they stop.
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for
it.
Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against
radiation.
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
Have a nice day! -DC
| 
